How many times have you rewarded your potty-training toddler with M&Ms or bought your kid a small toy after getting a vaccine? Let’s face it: candy and toys are easy ways to reward our children with something we know they’ll enjoy. But there are more meaningful ways to encourage positive reinforcement with our kiddos.
Kirah Johnson, who’s a teacher and mother of four, goes by @wehavetogothroughit on Instagram and shared a reel with eight things she likes to reward her kids with that’s not toys or candy, then gave two more bonus examples in the caption.
“It doesn’t have to be cheapo toys and endless candy. It also doesn’t have to cost a billion dollars or be absolutely unforgettable,” she explained in the caption. “A positive reinforcement (reward) can be ANYTHING that is motivating for *your* child. This is a great time to play to their hobbies and interests. And ask your kids! My 8YO suggested a ‘special bath’ for a reward. I wouldn’t have thought of that, but baths are uncommon for him now and he [loved] the novelty.”
The caption also pointed out some caveats. “I personally am very motivated by food (helloooo iced lattes) and don’t mind tossing out a sucker here or there. But food rewards can’t be the only tool in my toolbox because I don’t want to communicate that food has to be earned,” she noted. “Food is neutral. Food can be fun! I wouldn’t call a skittle wrong!…but let’s not overdo it.”
“If buying $5 toys works for you, that’s super! Just be mindful that what you’re spending doesn’t outpace the behavior,” Johnson advised. “If you buy them a $100 Lego set for loading the dishwasher, how are you going to keep motivating them towards harder work? And be sure to have a plan for fading. Like any tangible reward, we’re not trying to do this forever.”
In the video, she recommends rewards like a bubble bath, the kid choosing dinner, board games at a coffee shop, family movie and fort night, one-on-one time with parents, temporary hair dye, staying up late, and a night hike.
“Rewards can be free and leave no trace,” Johnson’s caption continued. “When in doubt, 1:1 time with you doing almost anything will probably be highly motivating.” Then she shared two more ideas: being the DJ in the car all day and an outing with the grandparents.
While some parents swear by rewards, others don’t believe they work to motivate children in the long term. Just like anything else in this whirlwind journey that is parenthood, do what’s best for your family and your child.
A version of this story was originally published on Dec. 30, 2023. It has been updated.
